Real Hope for Real Grief
Sharing Real Hope for Real Grief from my book, 180 Your Life, on 104.7 in Atlanta this week! Listen every weekday this week at 8:50am, 11:50am, 4:20pm, and 8:50pm or you can listen using this link: http://www.thefishatlanta.com/2015/10/24/footprints/. Thanks Salem Media and Dan Ratcliffe for sharing our story of God’s healing and hope after loss with your listeners! Learn more at 180YourLife.com #180YourLife
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My heart is broken into pieces as my son died 10 weeks ago and then 3 weeks to the day afterward, my only sibling (the best brother you could ask for also passed away, my son was 40, my brother, 70). I”m starving for anything to help with my pain. My daughter somehow found out about your website and shared with me so I checked it out and even though I know I need healing so badly, I couldn’t even read it w/o becoming extremely nervous and the anxiety I’m experiencing is causing me to have health issues that are related to stress, i.e. Stomach issues and blood pressure. Sometimes I think I will die from this. I am a Christian and I know my son and brother were as well but I miss my son so much and knowing that I will never see him again feels too much to bear. I tried a grief group at a baptist church but thought I would jump out of my skin before I could get out of there. I’m so lost, I don’t know where to start. Thank you for allowing me to vent on this page, Carly
Thank you so much for sharing what is really going on in your life, Carly. I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are no words. I appreciate that your daughter connected you with our website. This is a journey. And if God still has you here, there’s a reason. Think of it like a marathon and not a sprint. It’s going to take time. And I think the goal is to learn to live with loss, not erase it. Yes, it sometimes does feel like the grief could kill us, but give yourself permission to have tough days. As a Christian, you know in your head that you will see your loved ones again, but as a mom, I can imagine missing your son and brother is simply excruciating. So what are the practical steps? Getting in community, finding others who understand your type of loss and can help inspire you to move forward. I’m going to let Pastor Ron chime in here too, because from a licensed counselor perspective, he will have some good ideas to share too. Also, when you have a moment, check out our 180U video course, it’s full of practical, thoughtful, ideas to heal body, mind and spirit. We have a free trial where you can listen to two entire sessions. Maybe you could do that together with your daughter? Okay, I’m going to turn it over to Pastor Ron now. Hugs, Mishael
Carly,
The trauma of two deaths with no time to recover is quite disabling. The goal, therefore, is to not be disabled permanently. My concern is that the stress and anxiety you describe need to be assessed by your doctor. Please ask for help from your primary care physician and tell her/him exactly what you wrote. You need to make sure that you are not at risk and further the traumatic events to yourself.
As one who has difficulty asking for help, I encourage you to ignore that voice inside you that says, “I have to do this by myself,” and get the help you need and deserve. Right now, your body, mind, and spirit are not doing what they normally do, so please get help until you can learn the skills to survive in the face of terrible loss.
God bless you as you travel down a road no one ever wants to go.
Pastor Ron Wean, LPCC, CEAP, SAP
Thank you both so much for responding. I have been to my Dr. who increased my blood pressure meds and something for the anxiety but I do not want to be on anxiety meds any longer than I have to be. She spent time with me just talking and telling me to allow myself the grief ( I’m prone to perfectionism and told her that I want this feeling to simply go away now!). She is a Christian and asked me if I ever felt like harming myself to which I replied, “absolutely not, I just feel such a great sadness that I want erased NOW”!) She told me that I’m so hard on myself and must be okay with my feelings and emotions, which do not have a time frame. What I’m searching for is some peace and acceptance of this tragedy or at the very least some coping skills. I know my Father in heaven has a plan for me, I’m just lost as to where to start to learn the skills to cope with losing my baby then my precious brother. I will do whatever it takes to be well emotionally so that God can use this tragedy for good. I will look further into your program. I want you both to know that I sincerely appreciate your thoughtfulness toward me. I ask for your prayers as well. God Bless, Carly