Falling vs Freedom
Falling vs. Freedom…I hadn’t been inside a roller rink for decades. Sophia was invited to a birthday party and I was simply dropping her off. But it was too far to drive back home and I was really fighting allergies. Thought I’d stay inside the rink in a booth and quietly soak it all in.
The hosting mom and her friend skated by and said, “Come and join us!” A list of reasons quickly ran through my head why I should not. I’m coughing. I haven’t skated in years. What if I got hurt, how much would it cost if I got hurt? I envisioned myself in some human pileup on the main floor.
But another part of me watched those awesome moms and thought, “These skating moms are my people. I cannot pass this moment up.”
I read a blog post by my friend, Naomi Ziva. She manages stage 4 colon cancer with such authenticity and life, I am always amazed by what she writes. I cannot imagine her challenges, and yet she embraces life so beautifully. Today her words reminded me to just to be thankful for normalcy. Celebrate your life.
Today I’m very tired, been coughing, thankful that the grief empowerment books/videos are finished and we are settled into our little building. It’s been an amazing journey and sometimes amazingly stressful.
Moving, injuries, deadlines…the fallout is I’ve not exercised, and I know I have to focus on my health more. I encourage health through grief but actually creating all the #180YourLife elements has been a long logistical journey that’s taken several years. Now that it’s settled down, it’s time for me to start training again. Sometimes I feel discouraged that, in training, I feel like I’m starting back at square one.
And then today, Naomi reminded me to just embrace my life as is right now. Be thankful. Go for it.
So I rented those skates and I was so scared. So halting. I even used those little guards on wheels that children use when they are learning, telling myself that I was so uncool that it becomes cool. A 7 year old boy on skates rolled by and said, “Mam, are you doing alright?” as I navigated around the rink. (Sigh) Just letting my body remember the movement of being on skates. After a while, I ditched the protective rollers and still looked like a hot mess on wheels.
After skating for some time in fear, I thought, “What if I skated like I wasn’t afraid of falling? What if I just trusted that my body could do this again?” And that thought changed everything. The ease just flowed after that and I was in middle school again, jamming to some fun tunes and forgetting any troubles while I sailed around the rink.
When the stakes are high, or I’m doing something new, I often think of how to prepare for the worst case scenario. But what fun can be had when fears are laid aside, and we embrace life as it is today, (preparing in wisdom) while moving forward. Focused on all the things that could go right!
